I left work early — take it easy, I used PTO — and went to the Veterinarian Medical Center to pick up Stella’s ashes. I was taken aback by how small her remains were. She was a little dog, she weighed about 6.2 pounds on the day she died.
The box I got back was teeny tiny. Literally about the size of 10 saltine crackers, and it weighs about as much.
After crying my eyes out, I brought our baby home.
Now if only I had a cheap bottle of wine.
Oh Stella. I miss you baby!
I seem to be, however past the point of crying every time I hear your name or see a photo.
Its been almost a week, and yet, I still find myself hoping to find you running toward me or napping on the couch.
This picture is the perfect angle… Your silly muppet hairstyle, your tongue hanging out, you joy so completely apparent.
(Can’t see her? look to the top right corner)
We miss you shooster! And we’re happy to think that you enjoyed your life, your friends and family for the short time we got to know you.
Have you seen the pics from Jenna Bush’s wedding?
It looked casual (for a $50,000 + event), and I think its fairly cool that they did it outside, with the reception in the tent. The food looked redonkulously fancy — I’d love to see what was on the menu.
I heart the fact that the maids wore Leila Rose.
I didn’t adore Jenna’s dress. I dig Oscar de la Renta, but her dress looked just “okay” to me.
Her hair was cute but simple.
What did you think?
I need a break from the puppy talk, so I’m taking it out on D’Amico.
We’ve been targeted by them again.
Yesterday, I got home, and saw a letter in the mailbox addressed to the BTB and I. So, naturally and innocently, I opened it. When I saw it was from D’Amico, I could only think, “Here we go.”
It turns out that our consolation prize is a 10% discount on food and beverage for our dream wedding. Lucky for us, “This offer applies to any D’Amico catered event from a backyard picnic at your home to a reception at one of our many venues.”
Gee whiz, thanks D’Amico.
I am also grateful for the list of preferred locations where you just happen to be the caterer of choice. I’m sure the Van Dusen Center will cut me a deal on a simple little wedding that will be easy on the pocketbook.
Oh, I almost forgot… the discount is, of course, exclusive of service charges.
Was this event designed to sell me on a bill of goods I can’t afford? You be the judge.
I have 2 pair of potential wedding shoes (so far).
On top, we’ve got the funky Salvatore Ferragamo’s from Saks.
I love the stacked heel, the lucious leather, the comfort. These are all quality.
On the bottom are the Zara shoes that we got in San Francisco.
They are fairly comfy, I love the patent leather, and the wedge heel could prevent me from having my shoes sink into the grass as we do post-wedding, pre-reception photos.
I just can’t decide.
Life is not back to normal. Neighborhood kids came over with their dog, Princess, asking for me to bring Stella out.
I didn’t know what to say. It broke my heart… they were like, “we love Stella, Princess wants to play with her.” I told them that she wouldn’t be coming back.
I cried again on my way home from work, I almost dread the quiet house.
We started marking the fence that we were going to put up so Stella could run around the back yard. It feels awkward… to work on it even though she’ll never get to run through the back yard. She was off-leash in our backyard only once. But, it still serves a purpose for safety, for property value and if Stella ever has a predecessor (no doubt, less amazing than her, but lovable).
So… I’m still feeling guilty, but I’m trying not to. I’m regretting stuff I did (like going to a happy hours, wasting time I could have spent with her). I hope those bad feelings go away, I hope the pain diminishes a bit.
I feel like I let my baby down, I’m trying to understand and hoping the grieving process can help me become more positive and eventually welcome more love into my heart.
I hope this isn’t getting old, I am still really struggling to understand Stella’s death.
We are having her body sent to the University because the veterinarian we worked with said that she died instantly, there was no warning. The GTB doesn’t believe that is possible, and we didn’t feel like his course of action felt right.
I’m nervous that he altered the records. He promised us that she’d be at the U today, now his nurse says tomorrow.
The GTB seems to be hitting the anger stage and all I feel is sadness and guilt. Guilt for sending her there. Guilt for not spending more time with her. Guilt for leaving her with my parents for the weekend and having my dad take her in. I thought she’d love a day of play with her buddies Bijou and Bosco, now I just wish I could take the weekend back and just have her at home.
I feel physically ill when I think that my veterinarian choice — someone my parents have used for over 15 years — could have led to her unnecessary, untimely death.
I know it’ll get easier, but last night and this morning were downright difficult. This morning especially, because we usually get up at 6:30 to let her out of her kennel and take her outside to go potty. She is always so excited to see us and she dances around once you let her out (like, “hey, thanks!”), then runs out to do her business.
Then she scarfs down on breakfast as one of us stands in the kitchen with her… heaven forbid she eats alone.
And we end up snuggling with her a bit before we put her in her “room” a.k.a. the kitchen with a handfull of treats, the radio on MPR and a hug. And we leave for the day.
It was hard to sleep in. It felt wrong to be in bed late, and it hurts to see the kitchen, empty. Oh my, I miss her so much.
I’m completely numb.
Yesterday, our puppy and source of so much joy, Stella, died during her spay procedure. It was the routine procedure that turned out to be anything but routine.
We loved our puppy very much and while we’re searching for a reason and blaming ourselves, we keep trying to remind ourselves that these things really do just happen and no one was to blame. We can relive the last week over and over, but at the end of the day, it doesn’t change a thing.
We’ll miss so much about her, but most importantly, we’ll miss her being a part of our lives. Stella was here from the time the BTB moved in to yesterday. She was here to deliver the ring to the BTB and she was here to share the entire moment. She was the life of the party and everyone who met her loved her.
I’ll never look at the end of the couch the same way. I’ll always wish she was lying there watching the game with me.
We love you, Poopy.
Our most awesome, amazing puppy Stella died today. She went in to the vet to get spayed. I was supposed to pick her up at 3. I got a call from the vet around 1:30, he told me to pull over.
He said that the spay was completely normal and he was finishing up her stitches when the EKG flatlined and she died.
I am completely crushed, as is the GTB. We will miss Stella’s tin can breath, stinky gas on every car trip, dig-dig-digging when on the guest bed, her snuggles, kisses, seeing her tail shake her whole body when we come home, the joy she showed when we got up in the morning to go out, seeing her bound across the grass, knowing that each sock we put on or take off is subject to getting stolen, watching her fall asleep on the couch, or pillow, or in our arms, her funny posture when going potty, and the way she’d crowd into the bathroom to hang out with us. To our Neuster, Husker Du, Nutella, Nella, Stella-bell, shortcakes, tuff stuff, we miss you!NOTE: this is an extremely short list of the many, many things we will miss.
Oh Stella, I wish you hadn’t had to go so soon, you’re our sweet puppy and we love you so, so, so much and miss you tons already.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EvkZXZR5muU
![Weekly challenge: happiness [Eskimo kisses]](http://static.flickr.com/3174/2486522268_dae444ecda_t.jpg "Weekly challenge: happiness [Eskimo kisses]")
